Reaching a Solution

Duke Ellington had it right when he said, " A problem is a chance for you to do your best." To deal with conflict successfully, be concerned about your own outcomes and also the outcomes for the other party.

Consider using a process like the one below. This process can be useful in dealing with conflict in relationships, workplaces, or other situations where there is an interest in seeking a negotiated solution. These steps won't guarantee an agreement, but they greatly improve the likelihood that problems can be understood, solutions explored, and the advantages of a negotiated agreement considered within a relatively constructive environment. This process also provides useful strategies that reduce the impacts of stress, fears, and " surprise" factors involved in dealing with conflict.

Success strategies for conflict resolution include:

– Have a high concern for both your own and the other party’s outcomes, and attempt to identify mutually beneficial solutions.

– Know and take care of yourself.

– Understand your perceptual filters, biases, and triggers.

– Create a personally-affirming environment for yourself before addressing the conflict (sleep, eat, seek counsel, etc.).

– Clarify personal needs threatened by the conflict.

– Know your substantive, procedural, and psychological needs.

– Determine your “desired outcomes” from a negotiated process.

– Identify a safe place to meet and negotiate.

– Arrange an appropriate space for the discussion that is private and neutral.

– Gain mutual consent to negotiate and ensure the time is convenient for all parties.

– Consider if support people would be beneficial (for example, facilitators, mediators, advocates, etc.).

– Agree to ground rules.

– Take a listening stance.

– “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” (Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

– Use active listening skills, and listen loudly.

– Assert your needs clearly and specifically.

– Use “I-messages” as tools for clarification.

– Build from what you have heard; continue to listen loudly and actively.

– Approach the interaction with flexibility.

– Identify issues clearly and concisely.

– Participate in generating options (brainstorming), while deferring judgment.

– Be open and don’t get distracted by “tangents” and other problem definitions.

– Clarify criteria for decision making.

– Manage impasses with calm, patience, and respectful behavior.

– Clarify feelings.

– Focus on underlying needs, interests, and concerns.

– Take a structured break if needed.

– Build an agreement that works.

– Review “hallmarks” of a good agreement.

– Implement and evaluate—live and learn.

Using these techniques can improve the outcome of a conflict resolution process for everyone concerned.

3. Answer the questions:

Why does a conflict give you a chance to do your best?

Why should you be concerned about your own and the other party’s outcomes?

Which of these strategies help you the most in conflicts?

Rank them in order of most and least successful.

Some people think conflicts ruin everything and others think that life without conflicts is dull and monotonous. What do you think?

4. Match the following words with the translation:

to explore– выполнять

to defer– сбивать с толку

impact– позиция

beneficial– безвыходное положение

bias– печать

to affirm– оценить

stance– влияние

to distract– подтверждать

impasse– полезный

hallmark– предрасудок

to implement– изучать

to evaluate– прислушиваться к чьему–л. мнению